Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Wretched Labour MP Patricia Hewitt allegedly tried to buy colleague Stephen Byers from another colleague by promising Geoff Hoon in exchange. The sordid web of ministerial trading took place as part of a Channel 4 ’sting’ in which Hewitt was tricked into making the illegal purchase.
Senior felines have called for a crackdown on cat drug “catnip” after two more teenage cats were found in a near-comatose state, frothing at the mouth. The drug, otherwise known as “yeehaw” or “meow” has reached alarming levels of popularity, with sales of nepeta cataria rocketing.
Thousands of Americans are today living in fear of a now inevitable visit to the doctor. Barack Obama’s Healthcare bill was supposed to be a landmark victory for the majority of Americans, yet those who were previously unable to pay for their own healthcare are now voicing their fears.
A local family has spoken of its delight at moving into the famous Vuedemerde Road pothole in Shytte-on-Sea. The pothole was on the market for just two weeks, and was snapped up for a record £225,000.
Cross-channel relations are at an all-time low as Shytte-on-Sea mayor Winston Cumbersome tore up the twin town agreement between his town and the French village of Coquine-sur-Yvette. The discovery that Coquine had twinned itself with at least five other towns left Cumbersome in despair, with “no alternative” but to find a more “loyal” twin town for Shytte-on-Sea.
In what has been described as a “major shrug of the shoulders” for non-Sun readers, 59,900,000 people have today not signed a petition calling for the public lynching of Jon Venables.
Customer-friendly thieves in Liverpool have left behind “Burglary satisfaction surveys” at houses they have broken into in an attempt to improve the image of burglars in the city.
Senior canines have called upon the government to microchip dangerous human beings, who they claim to be a “menace to dog society”. The proposal was made at a Crufts round-table discussion on the future of canine-human relations.
BBC’s Masterchef continues to plumb new depths. In last night’s episode, producers were forced to apologise after completely forgetting the food. It was a 30-minute testosterone fest of contestants telling us how much they wanted to win it, and how much they were up for it – but where was the nosh?
I don’t know about you, but this whole Jon Venables “still being alive” thing really makes me sick. We should have hanged him years ago alongside Gary Glitter and all those paediatricians from Portsmouth, and even that’s too good for them. The idea that we – the taxpayers – are funding his lavish lifestyle in prison, makes me boil with rage.
Daily Star Blames Muslims For Rain
Latest Al Qaeda recruitment video “basically a Justin Bieber video” say experts
Gadaffi restores Libya internet access to check comparethemercenary.com
BBC Asian Network “not doing enough to attract white, middle class listeners”
Wikileaks urged not to publish plot to Cats and Dogs 3: Feline Good
UK economy losing billions due to time lost by employees “pausing for effect”
France grinds to a halt as nation asked to work until 5:05pm
