In the dance halls of Kabul, a new kind of hope is blooming. A hope that can only be spread through the medium of dance. This Taliban dance troupe may look to all intents and purposes like a bearded terrorist collective, but they have a new message.

“People tend to think of us as – well – some kind of huge beardy monster. The truth is, that deep down, when we’ve chopped off adulterer’s willies and bludgeoned to death some woman, that we’re actually quite touchy-feely – and we really do love a good dance,” said leader of the “Tali-ballets”, Mustafa Pi’Rouette.

“The days of people thinking – oh those Taliban, they’re so glass half-empty – are gone, I think. We’re very much glass half-full and we want to express ourselves.”

The dance troupe has risen to prominence after winning Afghanistan State TV’s Saturday night extravaganza, “So You Think You Can Dance You Heathen”, hosted by Barruss al-Far-Sithe. The programme depicted the quintet as they learned complicated dance moves, and beat the competition in the ritual stone-off at the end of each show.

“It’s a great format,” admitted al-Far-Sithe. “The public vote, and the losers are stoned to death at the end of each show. In a stadium. In front of 100,000 baying fans. We love it – the public love it – and it really helps the dancers focus on their dancing.”

In a gripping finale, the Tali-ballets beat the Bearded Ballroom Dancers, and are now touring the country spreading their message of hope. Troupe member Sayed al-Tan’go said that he can’t wait to get cracking:

“All those people screaming, trying to get our autographs – it’s brilliant. It’s so much better than the old days where everyone ran away from us and we had to kill people for not having a beard. Even the women. But yes – we still have to do some of the killing – but when you can entertain beforehand with a pasa doble or a foxtrot, it makes it so much more… involved. And if – somehow – you can spread hope through a complicated Viennese waltz manoeuvre, then we’ve done our job.”

Afghanistan dance fans are rapt. One told the Daily Shame: “This has really changed my image of the Taliban – at first I thought they were total bastards. Now they’re dancing bastards.”