The parents of a Norfolk child who is expressing Conservative tendencies have expressed alarm. “He’s turning alarmingly free market”, said mother Ida Cackbeans. “Which is worrying, as he’s only 4 and has a vocabulary of just over 150 words.”

The Cackbean family first noticed little Jeremy’s Tory leanings when, six months ago, he started leafing through the pages of toff magazine Horse and Hound. His father, Arnold, explained that every Saturday, the family went to the newsagents to get the morning papers, but this visit was particularly unusual: “He always goes for the comics – just like any normal child. But this time he went straight for the Horse & Hound. I panicked!”

The family, who are noticeably ideology-free, decided to seek counselling after Jeremy started sneering at single mothers in the street. “We have no idea how he can distinguish between single mothers and married women who are out on their own without their husband. But he does it. It’s amazing”, says Ida. “He took his dummy out of his mouth when he saw one and shouted ’scrounger’ at the top of his voice. That’s when I decided we had to seek help.”

Child psychologist Harding McParty said that it will be hard for Jeremy to fit in when he goes to school: “He’s already having problems at nursery, asking other children to bring in their parents’ payslips so he can compare. However, with patience and dedication, we’re convinced that he can become a normal child eventually.”

“The worry, of course, is that his Conservative tendencies branch out from the psychological to the physical,” explains McParty. “There are a handful of instances where young children under the age of 5 have gone extremely right-wing, and their hair has started to go oily, and recede.”

The Association for Idoleology-Free Parenting (AIFP) issued advice for parents who are worried that their children might be Tories, saying “gradually wean them off with some videos of Nick Clegg and Vince Cable – steer them into the middle ground, and they’ll eventually grow out of politics and grow into healthy, normal children.”

Little Jeremy, however, still has some way to go, despite his parents’ best efforts. He declined an interview with the Daily Shame, saying “in my day, you lot would have been rotting in jail. Now leave me to my CBeebies.”