The game between Shytte Rovers and Crapwater Snorkels in the Norfolk Exhaust Pipes League Division 2 came to an end yesterday after 32 minutes as players realised that nobody was actually watching them.

“It was strange that we all seemed to realise at the same time”, said Rovers centre-forward Bert Hoofe. “I received a cross from the right and instead of knocking it into the goal, I just caught the ball and suggested we give up. The handful of fans in the ground were all reading magazines and stuff, so we all left the pitch.”

The players from both sides agreed that there “really wasn’t much point” in playing the game, and that while the game had some importance in deciding league positions, it was chilly out, and the pub had special offers on pies.

“I didn’t really feel much like playing anyway”, said Snorkels captain Marc von Hoverkraft. “I mean, it’s not like anyone cares, and when we saw the away fans doing a crossword together, we all thought – what the hey, let’s get indoors.”

This is not the first time that Shytte Rovers have given up on a game before the 90 minutes. Last season, they struck a deal with the referee and the opposing manager to play “next goal wins” so that they could get back to the dressing rooms to watch “My Fair Lady” which was about to start on BBC2. Rovers goalkeeper Ryan “Heavy Lad” Foulkes let the ball slip through his fingers to allow victory for King’s Park Tumors, despite them being 3-1 down at the time.

And famously, five years ago, the team refused to come out of the dressing room because they were feeling “precocious” that day.

Fans’ forums were buzzing yesterday with Rovers fans venting their feelings about the difficulty of the crossword in the matchday programme and the “weak tea” that was being served by the hot dog van. However, nobody appeared to notice that the game had ended prematurely. One fan said “come on the Shytte, great result yesterday”, while another said “I thought the second half was brilliant.”