Kelloggs is in further trouble as a result of its latest advertising campaign which encourages children to “stuff their fat faces full of coco pops until they burst”. A spokesman for the company said “there’s nothing wrong with stuffing their fat faces full of coco pops until they burst! There’s less sugar in a bowl of coco pops than you’d find in your average bowl full of sugar.”

Parents’ groups have reacted angrily to the campaign which aims to encourage children to eat Coco Pops for breakfast, lunch and dinner. Mumsnet declared war on Kelloggs last week after it was revealed that Coco Pops were not organic. A spokesmum for the renegade website said “Anyone who tries to force our offspring to eat anything other than Organic Carrot Bake – and I mean you, Kelloggs – will die a horrible death.” Officials from Kellogs are said to be avoiding “all women over 30 who look slightly middle class”, including their own wives.

The campaign asks children simple questions such as “have you thought of eating Coco Pops in your sleep?” and “why aren’t you eating Coco Pops now you little runts?” Children are then bombarded with leaflets saying “If you aren’t eating Coco Pops, you’re gay” and the company is thought to have recruited a number of “Coco Pops Ambassadors” who infiltrate local schools and force-feed the chocolately breakfast snack to reticent children.

Some teachers have registered complaints after seeing shifty looking men hanging around outside the school gates with a box of Coco Pops under their arm, attempting to persuade children to have a mouthful. “Frankly,” said one teacher, “I’d rather they had Islamist fundamentalists hanging around the school gates looking dodgy. These guys give me the creeps.”

The aggressive approach is the brainchild of Marketing Agency “Fockwits of London”, whose MD Eric Cockbrunt says “there is nothing predatory about our advertising – we’re simply trying to replace normal foodstuffs with Coco Pops. Did you know that a bowl of Coco Pops can go towards one of your five a day? Five portions of Coco Pops a day, that is. Hahahaha. Did you see what I did there?”

The shitbag continued: “Listen, there’s nothing unhealthy about Coco Pops – all you have to do is redraw the battle lines. What does healthy actually mean? Does it mean sitting around on your arse playing video games while your waistline expands exponentially? If so – then yes, it’s healthy food. It’s all about definitions. You know, in Scotland, the government is actively promoting the use of Coco Pops as part of a healthier diet. They even deep-fry them, which is something we’re thinking of introducing south of the border to break into the developing ‘really obese market’.”

Kelloggs issued a statement last night saying that it was “proud” of those children who had taken up the Coco Pops challenge: “We at Kelloggs are proud of those children who have picked up the gauntlet and switched from real food to Coco Pops. We look down on them adoringly as they slouch in front of their Nintendos, and all we ask of them is that they continue to eat nothing but Coco Pops.”