The local Shytte-on-Sea fire brigade has been given a “serious warning” after a blaze at the local fish shop turned nasty when they decided to fight fire with fire. The error was acknowledged by station manager Wayne Voracious, who claimed that he “thought it might be a good idea.”

The blaze started last night just after Mr Chunnersby had come round for his usual fish supper at 8pm. Chip pan executive Darren had apparently “gone outside for a fag”, and failed to notice that his chip pan had exploded and burst into flames. The Shytte-on-Sea fire brigade arrived within twenty minutes, and firefighters attempted to tackle the blaze using their usual tactic – with water.

“It was having some effect,” explained fireman Dave Gruellingshit. “And we do it the same way each time – you know, get the hose out, turn the water on, direct the water at the fire, put the fire out, go home, you know – I’m simplifying it a bit here for the sake of brevity. Anyway, Wayne said – ‘hey guys, you know that expression fighting fire with fire?’ and we all thought there must be some foundation to it. There must be a reason why people say it. So we all thought what the hell, let’s give it a go.”

Gruellingshit proceeded, on the orders of his boss, to throw molotov cocktails into the chip shop, as well as lit matches. “It didn’t work very well”, he continued. “If anything, the fire just got worse. So whoever started that stupid phrase was just being dumb. Fighting fire with fire actually results in more fire. It’s just a shame that we had to find this out the hard way.”

The blaze turned into an inferno and the fire brigade decided to revert back to their usual tactics of using water. “We realise now that fighting fire with fire is not a professional way to go about our business”, admitted Voracious. “But you have to commend us for at least giving it a go. You go find me another fire service that would have tried it out.”

Chippy owner Baz Bazzingham said he was “disgusted” at the fire brigade’s surprise decision to experiment with what is essentially “just an idiom”, adding: “people say it, but you don’t actually mean it. Maybe it’s time we looked at changing this irresponsible idiomatic phrase, as it’s caused enough damage already.”

Furious locals have already started protesting by blanking firefighters whenever they see them in the street. Matilda Ditchmouth who owns the local bakery says “I’m not going to serve them for, ooh, at least a week or so. They burned down my chippy and I’ve got nowt to eat tonight because of them and their ridiculous insistence on taking the metaphorical literally.”