Canada yesterday voted in a referendum to “go rogue” after the entire nation decided it was fed up with being everyone’s second favourite country. The vote, which was 93% in favour of “pissing off the international community somehow”, took place against a backdrop of growing annoyance.

Brian McSuckburger from Winnipeg voted “yes” in the referendum, declaring that he was “mighty cheesed off” about everyone banging on about how great Canada is, but then spending their holidays in France or America or somewhere fancy: “We’re always the nice guys”, he moaned. “People come here and say ‘ooh aren’t they nice’ and ‘oooh aren’t they civilised’, well we can cause a ruckus too, you know.”

“It just f-cks me off that I have to stitch a Canadian flag onto my bag when I go abroad so that people think I’m not a bastard. I want that flag to mean two fingers up to the rest of the world, not ‘be nice to me because I’m nice’”.

Esther Smartphone from Vancouver said: “They think we’re all maple syrup, macaroni and cheese and smiles. Well they can stick their maple syrup up their **** as far as I’m concerned. We want to be the bad guys for once.”

The “yes” vote means that Canada will now align itself with North Korea and Iran, and Prime Minister Stephen Harper says that he is looking forward to a “full and frank exchange of views” with Mahmoud Ahmedinejad, who he has invited over for chips and gravy.

“Mahmoud is now welcome in Canada any time he likes,” said a visibly irked Harper. “And everyone else can go f-ck themselves,” he added before looking sheepishly at his wife who allegedly voted “no” and disapproves of Canada’s switch from nice to nasty.

“We probably won’t go pointing nukes at Washington”, he added. “No, it’s best that we work our way into being nasty slowly. So I’m urging Canadians everywhere to learn how to snarl and curse, and stop saying ‘please’ and ‘thank you’ to foreigners. In about a year’s time, phase two of the plan will involve arming mounties, but we’ll get there when we get there.”

As well as meetings with rogue leaders, Canada is also preparing to “pimp” its national anthem by adding a few swear words and having it played by a thrash metal band from Ottawa.