Vladimir Putin “Too much truth here. Kill the journalist.”
Sarah PALIN “Do I come here for the truth? You betcha!”
Parents are today united in shock after a Catholic faith school unanimously turned atheist. All pupils and teachers turned up to work believing that it would be another ordinary, Catholic, sort of day, and left school acknowledging that there is no God.
In the dance halls of Kabul, a new kind of hope is blooming. A hope that can only be spread through the medium of dance. This Taliban dance troupe may look to all intents and purposes like a bearded terrorist collective, but they have a new message.
Daily Shame 1983: Three more teenagers accused of copying cassettes of their favourite pop stars have been arrested, as the music industry clamps down on illegal cassette sharing. The teenagers were all thought to have illegally borrowed copies of cassettes from friends at schools and “made copies” to listen to on their personal walkmans.
Britain’s legion of nerds has voiced their “slim” hopes of winning the heart of Geordie celebrity Cheryl Cole after she separated from her husband Ashley Cole.
A man from Norwich has thanked the app developer who saved his life after a calamitous fall left him with his iPhone half way up his rectum, and just days from death.
The National Association of Bullies (NAB) has spoken out in defence of beleaguered PM Gordon Brown. The Prime Minister has been at the centre of a row over bullying at 10 Downing Street, with a number of harassed employees calling in to a national bullying helpline.
The local Shytte-on-Sea fire brigade has been given a “serious warning” after a blaze at the local fish shop turned nasty when they decided to fight fire with fire. The error was acknowledged by station manager Wayne Voracious, who claimed that he “thought it might be a good idea.”
Canada yesterday voted in a referendum to “go rogue” after the entire nation decided it was fed up with being everyone’s second favourite country. The vote, which was 93% in favour of “pissing off the international community somehow”, took place against a backdrop of growing annoyance.
Greek economists have unveiled a new economic index which they claim would have “predicted the economic woes several months ago” if they had been using it. The “bum pinching” index, published by the Greek government today shows close parallels between economic performance and police reports of English girls getting their arses pinched or smacked on the beach.
The British government is reportedly fuming at revelations that Mossad agents have been using fake British passports to buy booze. The alcohol purchased using the fake ID was apparently used in a “massive binge drinking” session.
Correction: Nick Clegg actually does eat babies
Nigeria’s Scammies Awards pay tribute to hard work and innovation
William Hague appoints himself as Lord Viceroy of India, upsets locals
Cameron condemns creator of Siobhan O’Dowd Facebook tribute page
Orange marches to include freestyle section from 2011
Polar bears exaggerating claims of global warming
Tory MP found in “horrific state of sobriety”
