Apple boss Steve Jobs proudly unveiled his iShit yesterday in front of a stunned audience of admirers. “It’s the sleekest, shiniest turd ever to hit the market”, said Jobs. “The iShit is going to revolutionise the way you all look at pooh.”

Adoring Apple fans all gathered round to get a sniff of Jobs’ new iShit, and thousands have already registered online to get their own portable Turd, priced roughly between $399 and $599 depending on consistency and size. “I’ve been working on the iShit for several weeks now,” said Jobs. “With our technicians, we have been working out diet, timings, and other factors such as mood, which have an influence on the defecation I produce.”

He continued: “Bill Gates has never produced a stool this shiny – his last one was stodgy and frankly it had nowhere near the gloss and sheen of the iShit.”

Indeed, Windows have been lagging behind in production, and their Windows Pooh V7 is approximately six months away. Beta testers have described it as “lacking a certain je ne sais quoi” and “really hard to get your head around.” One user testing forum member, freewilly85, wrote “It’s OK – much better than Windows Pooh v6.5 – but what’s the point? What does it do? Why did they produce it? I see no reason for getting one.”

A campaign has already been launched asking Windows users to host “Pooh V7 parties”, although take-up has been “really crap”, joked one Windows insider.

Apple advocates around the world have been filling web forums with adoring comments such as “I cant w8 to get mi handz on da iShit” and “wow lol how can i get one ov thoze? is mega.” At the unveiling of the iShit, Apple Fanclub member Stephanie Facetious was filled with a sense of wonder: “It was an amazing display. I mean, they’ve been brewing up something massive for weeks and the rumours on the net were circling that it was an iPiss or something like that.”

She revealed: “When Steve strode out onto the stage, we all knew something amazing was going to happen because he pulled down his pants and – well, you can guess the rest. I love Apple so much, I gave up on God and baseball.”