US shock jock Rush Limbaugh is shedding audience after claims were made that he was seen recycling. Senior management at the radio station are “alarmed” at the drop in audience figures, while Limbaugh strenuously denies any “bed-wetting liberal” activity such as recycling.

The claims were made last week when a man who looked remarkably like Limbaugh was seen squashing cans and plastic bottles and sorting cardboard from plastic containers at a recycling centre in New Hampshire. “It was definitely him”, said one onlooker. “He was separating the bottles according to colour – he looked like a man who really knows how to recycle – an expert, one might say. I have no idea how his fans are going to take the news.”

Officials at the station claim that Limbaugh’s audience falls roughly into three key demographics: Bozos, Fucknuts and Assmunches. Ed Typecast, Head of Marketing at Premiere Networks Radio, said “they’re all angry, but for different reasons. The Bozos don’t know what recycling is but they’re guessing it’s a liberal kinda thing to do so they’re fuming about it. The Fucknuts have heard of recycling and they’re afraid of it, so they’re switching off in their droves. The Assmunches know what it is, they’ve researched it, and they’ve got a list of reasons as long as your arm as to why only the devil recycles. They’re calling for Rush to be burnt at the stake, so you can imagine we’re pretty shit scared about Rush’s future here.”

This is not the first time Limbaugh has been embroiled in liberal scandal. Two years ago he was accused of giving money to homeless people on the street, but told reporters that he was “merely asking for directions and giving them nothing but hatred and contempt”. Last year, he was involved in a debate with a Muslim cleric in which he said “I think you might have a point”. Limbaugh’s lawyers moved quickly to quash any rumour that he had “turned wet and leftie” by saying that he was tired, overworked and “did not know what he was saying”.

Fans forgave him that time, but the recycling issue will not lie down. Tennessee Firebrand, a 40-year-old mother of 14, said “I listen to Mr Limbaugh every day so I do and I heard this thing about the recycling and all that and I start thinkin to myself hey this guy is obviously part of some liberal conspiracy to bring down the United States and the way we live so I say burn him burn him now and his Democrat friends and may they all burn in hell for all eternity. So what’s recyclin’ anyway?”

Ed Typecast believes that there is light at the end of the tunnel, however: “Rush knows that the recycling thing looks bad – but he’s ready to work on the Bozos and the Fucknuts first, and convince them that he’d never do such an un-American thing as recycle.”