The British Potato Board today launches its glitzy campaign to boost sales of the humble spud with its catchy slogan “not just for the Irish”. With potato sales falling after revelations that the food was “kinda plain” and that “you can’t eat it raw, you have to cook it”, the BPB are hoping that their new campaign will promote safe spudding.

“The potato has come in for some stick”, says Alfred Tuberhugger of the BPB. “But we want to tell people that potatoes are great and can be used in any way, shape or fashion. Why, I’ve built my house out of potatoes.”

The campaign, fronted by Midlands celebrity and spud-face Adrian Chiles, will cost the BPB several tens of pounds, promoting safe potato usage and suggesting innumerable ways of using the versatile veggie. It also suggests labelling the potato as a “mega-veg” to boost sales in the lucrative healthfood sector.

“We’re hoping people will start drinking potato smoothies”, says spud-fan Chiles. “But it’s not just for food. I use mashed potato instead of shaving cream, and I use baked potatoes instead of paper weights. I’m even hoping that my special potato bake will help me woo Christine Bleakley. She’s Irish, sort of, so I bet she’ll love it.”