A gala reception was laid on at Cambridge Town Hall last night for intrepid sexual explorer Sir Charles Edward Ballardo, whose latest expedition to discover the G-Spot was a “huge success”. Mayor Swilltrough-Spencer handed Ballardo the keys to the city and unveiled a commemorative plaque outside the Town Hall, saying “the city ought to be proud of one of its finest sons discovering something we thought could never be discovered.”

He continued: “Over several months, Sir Charles plugged away and never, ever gave up hope of finding the G-Spot. In turn, he has given us all hope.”

Ballardo admitted to exhaustion, as well as exhilaration, but in a gracious, moving speech, told the thronging crowd: “This expedition has really taken it out of me. I set off several months ago with hearty supplies – some Kendal mint cake, a Barry White CD, some good shoes and my toothbrush – and the good wishes of the people of Great Britain. I plugged away for the first couple of months and nearly blacked out several times. It was tough. Very tough.”

“There was one point where I thought I had found the G-Spot in a darkened cave, but it turned out to be a false alarm – a real let down, one might say. But I never gave up, despite repeatedly being told that I was wasting my time and I would be better off doing another solo expedition.”

Ballardo had only just returned from his previous expedition to find the multiple orgasm – a failed expedition that hit him hard: “It was gruelling, and in the end, I had to concede defeat”, admitted the grisly yet heroic explorer. “Perhaps there is no such thing – perhaps it’s a myth from yore, something that parents use to scare children, you know ‘don’t go outside or the multiple orgasm will come and eat you’. So I gave up.”

As for future expeditions, Ballardo claims that he is not yet ready to hang up his boots, saying “I always said the G-Spot was the ultimate expedition, and there are still many places I have not been – some of them I would never go to, of course – perhaps next year, I’ll go looking for fulfilment”. A wry grin crossed Ballardo’s face before he added: “of course, I’ve been there before, but it’s always fun revisiting old haunts.”