Kraft are all set to increase their bid for a witch’s Gingerbread House after receiving the backing of investor group Hampshire Getaway. However, the resident witch has repeatedly insisted that the Gingerbread House is not for sale, and that it brings her a constant revenue since she started charging children for nibbling on its walls.

“I’m not moving”, said Zelda. “I’ve lived here all my life, and apart from that horrible episode with those two German children who kicked me into my own oven, in which I incurred a financial loss of several gold coins, I’ve always been happy in my Gingerbread House. They can offer all they like, but I’m not budging.”

However, Irene Rosenfeld’s latest offer of £450,000 is way above the market rate, and she now has the backing of investment group Hampshire Getaway, who say that the purchase is “almost too good to be true.” Hampshire Getaway’s Wayne Boffitt told the Daily Shame: “In this market, you need renewable candy, and the Gingerbread House just seems to keep producing chocolate and sweets from nothing. Cadbury requires cocoa, milk, butter, and all kinds of chemicals, and don’t forget the amount of money you have to shell out on packaging, distribution, etc. The Gingerbread House just keeps replenishing itself as if by magic. Even though the average price in that particular area is around £200,000 for a two-bed period house, we think that this would be a great investment for Kraft.”

Rosenfeld has even suggested keeping the witch in residence, highlighting her obvious business acumen: “The witch has shown great leadership ability over the years. The episode with the two German children proves her resourcefulness – she’s quite happy to let kids get really fat on chocolate, albeit so that she can eat them, yes, but she’s full of good ideas and we’d be quite happy to work with her, perhaps let her live in a chocolate shed at the back.”

Channel 4’s resident house-tart Kirstie Allsopp said that the Gingerbread House is “a cracking little property”, with “great period features. I really like the dark chocolate beams in the kitchen, although they might melt if you leave the oven door open. The only thing that worries me slightly is the location – it is in a forest, and you kind of have to get lost to find it. And perhaps one reason the witch hasn’t had any offers in the past is that she hasn’t dressed it up very well. A throw over that couch would do wonders, and if she extended it to the side a little, she could easily add another £50k on to the price.”

However, Zelda is still holding out, and Kraft’s patience may be running out. It is rumoured that Rosenfeld may be interested in hiring The Gingerbread Man to act as a mediator between Kraft and the witch, and should it fail, they may turn their attentions back to Cadbury.