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To the average joe in the street, Hugo Swanlake-Brown is just your average emo in the street. With his carefully ruffled hair and eye make-up redolent of the goth era mixed in with a dash of Top Shop, Hugo could be any emo. However, Hugo is an emo in a fix.
“There are moments – not many – but moments,” he says, “when I get this strange feeling of – well – I guess you could call it fulfillment. Only yesterday, I was watching Skins and I thought to myself – I’m rather content. I had to shake myself. What will people think of me? I’m an emo and I’m emotional, I’m not meant to get happy at kiss scenes on the TV. I’m meant to put two fingers down my throat in mock disgust.”
Hugo traces these unwelcome bouts of happiness back to an episode last year when watching “Britain’s Got Talent”, and the arrival of Susan Boyle: “Any normal emo kid would have been up in his bedroom, but my bad – I was downstairs with my parents watching TV. I was doing my best to be sulky and sullen, but when Susan Boyle came on, I filled up with something I hadn’t experienced for years. It was so strong that I started retching. I had to cover up my feelings by ranting about the crass commercialism of it all, but something warmed my cockles that night, and I really don’t know how to handle it.”
Anthropologist Tristan Tribeca from the Institute of Emo Studies heralds this as the new dawn of “de-emofication”, claiming that “brick by brick, emo kids are finding their wall of sulk being knocked down by saccharine moments of joy. This is a tough process for them to go through as they move from My Chemical Romance to a love of, well, Romance. Only the other day, I was treating a young emo who had been struck by the smell of a bunch of roses. He was lost, I tell you, lost.”
Hugo plans to tell his parents of his strange bouts of happiness, but is worried that they will last: “I can’t walk down the street because I’m worried about enjoying something. Only the other day, I had just been to Greggs the baker and I saw an old lady being helped across the road by a boy scout. It just filled me with this tingling sensation of warmth. I dropped my sausage roll and ran so that none of my friends could see me in this state. Where do I go from here? I can’t even look in a shop window for fear of seeing Hannah Montana.”
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*Facepalm*
HA! Hilarious!
Ok, My Chemical Romance is NOT emo. I listen to this band and I’m not emo, I’m genuinely happy, I love my family and myself, I love nature, animals, etc. MCR hasn’t had a bad influence on me at all, on the contrary, they made me a better person and taught me to not be prejudiced and to respect everyone, in other words, they taught me to be tolerant and to care about other people. I can’t believe people misunderstand them this way. They don’t promote suicide nor depression, they actually try to prevent them. And if some emo kid says that MCR promotes any of these things, then that kid knows nothing about My Chemical Romance and has completely misunderstood their message. I have never felt depressed listening to this band (that’s just ridiculous) and I’ve never perceived negative messages in their music. Their music portrays empowering messages that make me feel like I can do everything that I aim for. That emo kid worries me, he’s so disoriented, I would appreciate if somebody helped him to get over his emoness and to understand that MCR isn’t emo, he’s one of the many people that give this band a bad name. But I understand all he needs is help. And with all respect but, I think Barack Obama is wrong when he says “This site (Tha Daily Shame) gives me hope for the future of truth”, because at least this time you guys failed to tell the truth. Sorry for the long comment but I really felt it was necessary to clarify this.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Really, Mary Eugene? Really?
We must be thankful for such a diverse population. From emus to al qaedas we are the depository for so many talents.
Vote Brown for President.
Bless the lil hearts of emos everywhere… You grow out of it, I was emo back when it wasn’t considered cool
I end up here clicking goths! This post probably has a not so less consideration on yahoo also if it wasn’t sadly the thing I was looking for
you wha’?
My Chemical Romance is very emo… So there!
I just found your site today.
Sometimes the comments by people who do not understand the concept of satire are actually funnier than the articles themselves.
Is it not obvious, even without reading the disclaimer?
I especially enjoy the vitriolic ad hominem attacks by clueless members of whatever group you happen to be mocking, but even Mary above was pretty amusing as she seems so sincere and is probably a very nice emo person..
Mary’s welcome back here on the Shame any day. In fact, I have her e-mail address somewhere. I should send her an invite, or just plain sign her up for daily updates.
doesnt the peircing hurt? i just want to know just email me!