Residents in Blackpool are reportedly “excited” at the prospect of West African river-borne disease Ebola coming to the town. Council officials have rolled out the red carpet for what they say is the most “thrilling disease” to visit the town since cholera.

“This could be a great publicity boost”, said Head of Tourism Andy Blowhole-Peters. “The town has been in the doldrums for some time now, especially since the Super Casino plans were rejected, but we’re hoping that Ebola will be what kicks us on to the next level. Some of that glitz and glamour might rub off onto the town, and that’s no bad thing.”

Locals have been putting out the bunting for the disease’s visit, and special edition sticks of rock have been printed, as well as “kill me quick” hats and t-shirts proudly proclaiming “I love Ebola”. In fact, the prospect of Ebola visiting seems to have perked up spirits around the town.

Pensioner Betty Hearingaid-Arthurs says that she remembers the last cholera outbreak and the “joy” it brought. “It was a time of real community, you know, everyone came together. The only time I’ve seen that since was when Cannon and Ball came to South Pier in 1981.”

The town has organised a glitzy soiree to welcome the disease to the North-West, with performances from the Nolan Sisters, as well as appearances from some bit-part actors in Coronation Street. Blowhole-Peters says that everything has been planned to the last detail:

“This is like the first night of the illuminations and, erm, the last night of the illuminations all rolled into one. We’re all hoping and praying that Ebola raises the town’s profile.”

A spokesman for Ebola said that Blackpool was just the first stop on a whistle-stop tour of Britain in an attempt to re-brand the disease. “We’ve had some bad publicity of late, and many people perceive Ebola as a deadly killer of a disease. A lot of negative PR. The truth is that it’s actually quite caring, despite its spiky personality, and that’s the truth we want to get out there. The town of Blackpool has been brilliant in supporting our plans, and it’s a great place for Ebola to show how much it loves a party.”