The government has been forced to apologise to the public for the direct.gov advert in which Christopher Biggins’ head is superimposed onto the body of a baby. “It should have been noticed at an earlier stage”, said a spokesman, “and we apologise for the upset, anger and vomiting that it has caused.”

Analysts claim that the advert has been a massive own goal for the government whose sole aim was to promote usage of the government website portal. “Using the head of Christopher Biggins might have seemed a good idea at the time, but they clearly did not think through the possible consequences. The only worse alternative I can think of is Michael Winner.”, said web analyst Warren Tremendous. “We are now faced with a drop in birth rates as a result of people being put off procreation. That’s how serious this is.”

Complaints have flooded into government officials’ inboxes, and they have promised to set up an “investigation” and an “inquiry” within the next decade, which is the quickest they can do because of “some other shit” they have to do. “Basically, we accept that the head thing was wrong”, said a spokesperson for the government. “Christopher Biggins was wrong. Everything was wrong. What the f-ck do you want us to do? Huh?”

One of the most vociferous calls against the direct.gov advert came from the Anti Christopher Biggins Society, PantNo, whose founder and CEO Eric Landscape-Piscine said: “When I saw this, I puked all over my shoes and couldn’t sleep for a week. For many years, we have been campaigning – successfully – to limit the appearances of Biggins on television and to restrict him to pantomime where his effect is almost nullified. And now this happens. Jesus. All that hard work, undone in one stupid advertising cock-up.”

“What they clearly haven’t understood is what Christopher Biggins means to the British people. Shock, horror, and disgust.”