Officials at Burnley FC have strenuously denied accusations that they “sexed up” the Brian Laws dossier in order to gain the fans’ backing of their new manager. An official told the Daily Shame that “Brian Laws is a true legend and yes, yes he did fight at El Alamein, you go look it up on Google.”

“We wouldn’t have selected him if we didn’t think he were the right man for the job. The added bonus that he is a war hero and general all-round legend, plus a great mate of Barack Obama, was just that – an added bonus. The fans have to realise that Owen Coyle is gone, and he’s never coming back. In his place, we’ve got someone who’s just about the most brilliant man who ever did live.”

The controversial dossier was released to fans last night, and had many at Turf Moor simply shaking their heads. “First we lose Owen Coyle, and then they try to hoodwink us by telling us that Brian Laws fought in the Second World War?” asked one fan, incredulously. “It’s preposterous. Never mind that, but they’re also claiming that he won Eurovision in 1969. Even I know that’s not true.”

Burnley officials were equally red-faced last night after it was revealed that they had photoshopped photographs of Brian Laws on the moon next to Neil Armstrong. “It wasn’t even a good attempt”, said one leading Photoshop expert. “And the one where he’s shaking hands with Ghandi is even worse. It’s as if they’re not even making an effort.”

Brian Laws was unavailable for comment last night, but a spokesman for the new Burnley manager told reporters that he could neither confirm nor deny whether he had gone twelve rounds with Mohammed Ali. However, he did confirm that he had taken Burnley from the third division to the Champions League in just six seasons while playing Championship Manager 2005 on his PC.