Concern in Heaven over creeping commercialism
Residents of Heaven have voiced concerns over the growing trend for commercial sponsorship in the Kingdom of God. Archangel Gabriel told the Daily Shame that “paradise is beginning to lose its soul”.
Kraft set to increase bid for Gingerbread House
Kraft are all set to increase their bid for a witch's Gingerbread House after receiving the backing of investor group Hampshire Getaway. However, the resident witch has repeatedly insisted that the Gingerbread House is not for sale, and that it brings her a constant revenue since she started charging children for nibbling on its walls....
Jonathan Ross resigns over plans for public flogging
Jonathan Ross has resigned from the BBC claiming that he was "uncomfortable" with the BBC's plans to flog him in public on the streets of Britain. The show, suggested by BBC's head of programming Alan Underarm-West, would have seen a half-naked Ross pulling a cart full of manure through some of Britain's most crowded town...
Fat people to blame for salt shortages, say government
The house of an obese man in Basingstoke has been surrounded by angry protesters after the government revealed that they can no longer grit the roads as fat people have used up all the salt. Large people around the country are tonight living in fear of reprisals.
Filthy priest admits to fancying legal-age women
Local priest Connor O'Bullocks is tonight in hiding after admitting that he had a thing for legal-age women. Hordes of angry church-goers have picketed his house with signs saying "get this pervert out" and "we'll have no hetero clergy skirt-lifters round here thanks".
Local man discovers G-spot
A gala reception was laid on at Cambridge Town Hall last night for intrepid sexual explorer Sir Charles Edward Ballardo, whose latest expedition to discover the G-Spot was a "huge success". Mayor Swilltrough-Spencer handed Ballardo the keys to the city and unveiled a commemorative plaque outside the Town Hall, saying "the city ought to be...
Ryanair downplays new charges for ginger people
Budget flight operator Ryanair is coming in for fresh criticism from industry watchdogs over its plans to overhaul its new charges structure and introduce a new set of fees to supplement their low air fares. Flights will still be sold at tuppence ha'penny, but passengers could be stung for a whole range of extras, including...
Al-Qaeda launch hostage holidays
Al-Qaeda has launched a glitzy new campaign designed to promote its range of "hostage holidays". At a gala soiree, the terrorist organisation unveiled its new TV advert, brochures and DVDs targeting the "busy infidel". The new range of hostage holidays represents a break from Al-Qaeda tradition. The brochure proclaims "sun, sea or sand", and a...
Potatoes: “not just for the Irish”
The British Potato Board today launches its glitzy campaign to boost sales of the humble spud with its catchy slogan "not just for the Irish". With potato sales falling after revelations that the food was "kinda plain" and that "you can't eat it raw, you have to cook it", the BPB are hoping that their...
Fury over new immigration Britishness questions
Critics have called the new Britishness test, used to decide which immigrants can remain in Britain, a “sham” and “nothing at all to do with Britain”. “It’s unbelievable”, said one immigration officer who wished to remain unnamed. “I took the test and it turns out that I’m not British at all. In fact, when the...
Fearne Cotton “apprehensive” about meeting a grisly end
ITV2 star Fearne Cotton has told the Daily Shame that she is apprehensive over a forthcoming “Fearne Cotton Meets” programme in which she will meet “a grisly end”. “I have to say”, admitted the airhead, “that this is going to be like - wow - one of the most challenging shows I've ever done in...
Recent Comments