Police have proudly proclaimed victory after smashing a lucrative tooth fairy ring. The tooth fairy herself is in policy custody at the moment awaiting questioning. The investigation lasted several years and has cost the tax payer over £5m, something that the police say is “well and truly worth it.”

PC Poleaxe-Jones, who led the investigation, said “the tooth fairy ring stretches far wider than any of us at first imagined. What seems like an innocent tradition is in fact a heinous denture for cash scheme, with the evil tooth fairy at the centre of a web of organised crime and illegal immigration.”

Children all around the country will be waking up to news that their teeth will no longer net them ten or twenty pence, but Poleaxe-Jones underlined the fact that their teeth were being sold on the black market for upwards of £10 by the tooth fairy and her cohorts.

“Children have been getting way below the market rate for their milk teeth. What’s more, the act of entering a child’s bedroom is tantamount to breaking and entering, and borders on paedophilia, quite frankly. Much of the time, it wasn’t even the tooth fairy doing the work, it was outsourced to crack Albanian illegal immigrant fairies who were being paid a pittance by the tooth fairy.”

The tooth fairy’s legal adviser today said that his team would be working “around the clock” to free the tooth fairy, whose monopoly in the tooth market has driven all competitors to the brink of bankruptcy. However, today it is those competitors who will now be fighting for supremacy in a tooth fairy-free market.

One, the Tooth Toad, claimed that the smashing of the tooth fairy ring was a huge step forward: “We’ve been asking the government to look into the tooth fairy ring for a long time – everyone knows that it was hugely illegal, but nobody did anything. A monopoly some might say. We’re now offering a special deal to all children who lose their teeth that way exceeds anything the tooth fairy gave, and we offer parents a wide range of guarantees, including a tooth-back clause if they are not happy.”

PC Poleaxe-Jones warned those competitors, however. “Their actions will be watched like a hawk. The Tooth Toad and the Tooth Hippo are still under investigation. We will not be stopping at the Fairy.”