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The Daily Shame | August 29, 2015

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Higgs-Boson particle “likes a joke and a drink” say scientists

Scientists at the CERN centre in Switzerland say that the elusive Higgs-Boson particle loves to have a “laugh and a drink”, and is in fact one of the cheekiest particles they have ever tried to find.

“We thought we’d found it last night”, said Herr Botschaft van Potsdam. “But as soon as we got there, all we found was a note saying “Sorry I missed you, hugs and kisses, H-B.” He mused before adding “H-B is clearly the name it goes by.”

Higgs Boson - loves a laugh

Higgs Boson - loves a laugh

The scientists have been trying for over a year now to find the particle, and have only been successful in finding other, lesser particles, nothing quite like the so-called “God” particle that may explain how the universe was formed.

“We did find the Biggins particle, which is extremely gay,” said Botschaft van Potsdam. “And that was then followed by the Edmonds particle, which stuck around for ages, annoying the shit out of us, before disappearing for ages and then reappearing even more annoying that before. That one really was a complete shit”.

“The day we do find it, we’ll probably end up buying it a drink.”

However, the Higgs-Boson particle has proved the most elusive. Baffled scientists arrived at the southern part of the Hadron collider to find graffiti proclaiming “Scientists suck”, along with beer cans and cigarette butts.

“It could only have been Higgs-Boson”, said Professor Edwyn Thruxbury-Juggs. “The day we do find it, we’ll probably end up buying it a drink and having a laugh about all those jolly japes.”

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  1. Everything dynamic and very positively! :)

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