Doctors have revealed that Germaine Greer is finally under control and is “domesticated”.

The fiery feminist had spent that last two years on a bra-burning, man-hating frenzied bender, foaming at the lips and screaming obscenities at anyone who dared pass her cage. Doctors had sedated her with vegetable juice and episodes of The Archers, and are today proud to reveal that she is finally ready to be released into the world.

“It’s a major step for Germaine, but we’re convinced that she’s finally completely domesticated,” says Roderick Mulberry-Hedge, the doctor who was entrusted with her journey to womanhood. “She has been making us omelettes for the last week, and I believe she actually laughed at an episode of Terry and June.”

“However, the moment we knew that Germaine had really turned the corner was when we offered to do the washing up and she literally shouted us down, saying ‘that’s my job now just sit down, I’ll get you a beer’. My heart danced a little that night, I’ll tell you.”

Germaine Greer herself admitted that her road to Domestic Damascus was a long, arduous one, but one that she needed to take: “Who else is going to do the ironing?” she enquired. “And those sheets really do need washing. Us women expect those poor men to do everything and it’s wholly unfair.”