Fresh from controversy over claims that the Conservative Party are still a bunch of evil baby-stealing bastards, David Cameron has gone even further in distancing himself from the party’s history by renaming the party the Cameron Party.

“This is just a natural step”, said Cameron this morning on BBC Breakfast. “We have to reflect the changing state of the nation and the name ‘Conservative’ is not something we wanted to bring into the 21st century.”

When questioned that he was simply trying to pull off a marketing stunt by making people forget about recent controversies concerning members of the Conservative party, he went white and said “Absolutely not. They’re all Camerons now.”

The Conservative Party has been rocked by scandal recently, with senior Tory David Willets allegedly found sucking the blood out of a mouse behind his bins at his local constituency mansion. Oliver Letwin was today playing down claims that he would, if elected, force single mothers to hand over their salaries for a new “single mother punishment” centre.

Zac Goldsmith is today playing down suggestions that he has been seen at old peoples’ homes pointing and laughing, shouting “look at you fogies. Chortle chortle chortle.”

“This is all baloney”, said Cameron. “These are good, honest, hard-working people who are doing all they can for the future of the country. So the MP for Gutborough South, Edwyn Hoggbottom-Smythe has just shot a gypsy in the backside. So what? He pays his taxes – well, some of them.”